Sh*t, I’m pregnant!
As Nancy approaches the big number 3 next week I wanted to share my pregnancy story.
Nancy was a bit of a shock, Matthew and I had only been dating 9 months and had known each other just 12 months. To have a baby that early on was a bit of a ‘f*ck my life’ moment. We were still getting used to living together and the main reason we moved in together so quickly was the practicality of it, London rent is very expensive. I had always loved the idea of having children. As the eldest of four, I suppose I naturally had a degree of maternal instinct. My mother was a single parent, so I often helped her out where I could. I absolutely adore my brother and sisters and so I knew I wanted to be a mother. I was also fiercely ambitious and wanted to achieve all I could in my career before I had children. I imagined having a bad in my early thirties not my mid twenties. After getting married, we would buy a house, I would tell Matt I was pregnant by wrapping a pregnancy test in a box and present it to him. That is definitely not how it happened.
Matthew and I had met September 2014 while we were studying a PGCE in Secondary Education. We started out as friends and finally started dating in the December. By June 2015 we were engaged and moving to London. I was fortunate to land a fantastic opportunity at one of the most prestigious academies in England teaching History. I was so chuffed with myself, this was me on the road to becoming a head mistress. I was attending conferences in posh hotels, I had my own classroom, I was teaching A-Level, I had the most amazing form class. I my eyes set on becoming a Head of Department by the age 30.
We found out we were pregnant during October half term. The dreaded where’s my period was followed by, it’s never been this late, followed by ‘I don’t feel right,’ followed by law night google searches ‘early signs of pregnancy,’ followed by the dreaded purchasing of the pregnancy test. I bought the cheapest test I could find, it didn’t show anything. Still no period. I stretch my budget to a clear blue and low and behold I was pregnant! I remember sitting on the toilet crying thinking ‘what will I do, my career is over, my life is over, how the hell will we do this?’ Dramatic I know, I blame the pregnancy hormones completely. I didn’t know what to do, we had just started new jobs, we were renting a one bedroom flat, we were working 16 hour days including weekends. How would we manage? I think I sat on that toilet for a good two hours. Even calling my mum to tell her from the toilet. Totally hygienic I know! I can’t lie, to say she was shocked was an understatement. I had just qualified as a teacher, I was in a new job that requires long hours and I was miles from home with no family support. After our phone conversation she texted me about 10 minutes later telling me start taking vitamins. So I knew then I had her full support no matter what decision I made. I think my mum is the best person ever!
A week later I started to have bad stomach pains, so bad that I had to go to an emergency doctor (we hadn’t even registered with a local doctor yet). The doctor said that the foetus was moving in my stomach to the womb. Or that’s what I vaguely remember anyway. I think it was then I knew I wanted to begin my journey as a mother. I didn’t want any harm to come to my baby, I felt a connection and whatever worries and fears I had just melted away. After getting the all clear from the we went to a local pub and set out a plan of action . We saved while I was still working as I knew I wouldn’t get maternity pay. We made the decision to have the baby back in Wales where we could have our families nearby. Fortunately Nancy’s timing was perfect and she came into the world two weeks before the end of term so Matt ended up being home for two months. We then moved to Surrey to be closer to Matt’s school.
So how do I feel nearly four years on? I honestly feel so blessed. Even though Nancy was not planned I never take our gift for granted. I really think God (or Mother Nature) knew what they were doing. They knew that Nancy would be the light of our lives and she would direct us in new directions and bring us closer together as a unit. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. My career? I am no longer a teacher, mainly because the workload is so immense that for both myself and my partner to teach would be extremely difficult. But I don’t regret it. I have the most beautiful daughter who brings me joy everyday and being able to teach her everything I know is the best thing in the world! I also still have a career. I am taking a new path but it is a fabulous one and I couldn’t love it anymore. I also can’t pretend like I don’t love the fact my job finishes on the dot at 17:00 and I am not marking ‘How the Nazi’s came to power’ at 22:00 on a Sunday evening.
Once again thanks for reading my blog, you are fabulous darling x